Short, on the Spot Stories

[Arikraz]

Our old friend Perryn had a great idea for a stories thread. Stories that are just one post long, and where nothing overly significant happens. Just a moment in the downtime that normally wouldn't be brought up. Go ahead, join in the meaningless fun!
I'll post his and a few other first stories here to get this threa started

[Arikraz]

Rigger

Rigger was walking about his temporary dorm on Sunday morn,
when he found tarkus very worn
"Whats the matter tark" he asked
"I need this bloody odor masked"
he pointed to a locker, from which such a distinct aroma had mirth
and Rigger realized, this was the locker of old perv
"Dear jesus!" cried he
"what kind of monster could it be!"
Perryn did then accompany and make a trio
he heard their topic and cried "ay dios mio!"
he suggested such a plan, so disgustingly brutal,
that even the most horrid mind could find it uncool
"we give it to liana" said he"from which point we pray"
that our life, she will have mercy and not take away"
Rigger nodded, for he knew she was the only one
with mirth more vile than this horrid locker plus a ton
so, they made a visit to her and showed her the locker,
and somehow it did even shock her.
she replied with an answer that wasn't at all for the stench
She did smote Rigger, perryn and tarkus,
with a wrench.

[Arikraz]

Perryn

STARSIEGE: 2021

"Incoming, cover me!"
"On it."
"Need backup, waypoint foxtrot."
"Hurry up!"
"They've taken the flag!"
"WHAT IN THE DARK WASTES IS GOING ON IN HERE!" Tarkus yelled as he entered the rec room, out of breath from running full speed to the commotion. Before him was a dark room, dimly lit in the cold glow of computer screens. Before him was the rest of the squad, each with faces mere inches from screens.
"I've got the runner, taking him down."
"I repeat, what is going on here?"
Perryn looked up, noticing him for the first time. "We're having a LAN party. We're playing Starsiege. You know, mankind fighting sentient machines using giant mechanoid anthropomorphic war machines? It's great, were playing CTF."
Tarkus stared at him in open disbelief. "Theres.....THERE'S REAL SENTIENT MACHINES OUT THERE!" he yelled, gesturing in a vague 'outside' direction. "THERE'S HERCS IN THERE!" he pointed at the hercbay. "WHY ARE YOU......wow," he muttered, staring at Riggers screen. "Hey, those are some pretty sweet graphics. Is there a spare terminal?"
"Pull up a chair, boss, blue team could use some assist."

Hours later, in the middle of an overrun session.
"Cybrids are on the perimiter! Repeat, Cybrids are on the perimiter!"
"I know, we're on it. Waypoint Echo."
Alarm claxons and lights started up all around the base, as the squad played on. Artillery rained down from above, shaking the base.
"I'm loving this force feedback!"
"I know! And the subwoofers are incredible. It's like the real thing!"
There was a sudden, tense moment of silence as explosions rocked the base.
"Hey, do you think..."
The base explodes, leaving only scorch marks where it was.

If you're loookin' for me,
Better look within the siege,
'Cause that is where you'll fiiind me,
Livin' through a
STAAAAAR SIEEEEGE
Way up there on tiiitaaan.
STAAAAAR SIEEEEGE
Way up there where you, can't, breathe.

[Arikraz]

Perryn

0237h, Saturday.

Arikraz, Rigger, Liana, Smylodon, and Perryn are in the rec room watching reruns of warped cartoons.

"Hey, Per, I think you need to lay off the cookies," Smy said with a mote of concern.
"Yeah, you've been hitting the Mint Milanos pretty hard," Rigger crams another spoon full of his Ultra Super Mega Sundae of DOOM into his mouth. "I meh, ish omshin hronj?"
"THESE ARE THE BEST COOKIES EVER!" Perryn snaps at him. "The chocholate...the mint...the heavy whipping cream to dip them in. It's like, heaven just crapped a mouthful of bliss directly into my mouth!"
Liana puts her half eaten cookie down. "And thank you for that image. I think I'm done."
"DIBS!" Perryn cries as he dives for the remaining bite.
Arikraz scoops up some of his Mega Tera Shiney Super Better Than Rigger's Sundae of ULTIMATE DOOM and offers the spoon to Liana. "Here, try this. I swear, heaven crapping has nothing to do with it."
"Are those jelly beans and gum drops in there?" she asks.
"And jawbreakers."
"Kay," she shrugs as she tries some. "Not bad. The atomic fire balls really add a nice touch. Coulda done without the whoppers, though."
Ari shrugs. "To each his own." He crams an impossible mouthful in. "Behsh hundae ehr."
"I prefer subaru," Perryn chimes in. Everyone gives him the universal WTF look. "You know, more than hyundai." Continued WTF looks, with added incredulousness. "See, their both brands of..."
"WE GET IT!" Liana snaps.
"Mines better," Smy mutters.
Rigger looks up with scrunched eyebrows. "Yours has catnip it, though. And anchovies. Thats, well, it's just wrong, okay? It's very, very wrong. You're a very wrong cat, Smy."
"Anchovies?" Perryn asks with sudden interest.
"Yeah, want some?" Smy offers.
"Woo berries!" Perryn jumps up and runs over to him.
"Okay here you go." Smy hands him the spoon. As he starts to eat it, Smy adds "Just, ah, don't eat the spoon. Heh." Perryn, stops and glares at him. Then, while glaring him in the eye, eats the spoon. "Well okay then. I guess I need a new one. Anyone else need something while I'm up?"
Ari weakly raises a hand. "A bucket? I shouldn't have added those pop rocks and skittles."

[Arikraz]

ok i didnt really make this myself, but i think its still hilarious none the less
"Here I sit, same as ever.
Took a dump, pulled the lever.
The toilet clogged, umm, the water flowed.
Look out world! Its the motherload!"
-Beavis "Beavis & Butthead"

[Arikraz]

*One day, Arikraz, SoMeOnE and Rigger were hanging out in the NSDF kitchen when Rigger found some old eggs in the burnt-out fridge*
Rigger- hey, i found some eggs!
Some1- GIMME! *does a running dive for the egg carton*
Arikraz- Run Rigger!
Rigger-Catch Ari! *Tosses the egg carton to Arikraz, who unfortunatly...can not catch*
Arikraz- OH CRAP! *drops the eggs* uh oh...
Some1-*twitch* you...dropped....the *twitch twitch* eggs!
Rigger- Hey! Whats going on!?
Arikraz- I think we need to run!
*Some1 runs into rigger and fuses forming somigger*
Somigger- we will eat you!
Arikraz- shit shit hist! *tosses random broken egg pieces at the somigger* this isnt working!
somigger- you will now be eate---*somigger lays down one big fart and unfuses*
Some1- what just happened?
Rigger- i've been containing that all day. thanks for releasing it
some1-NOOOO!!!!
[End]